I continue to feel this whole subject--of borderline personality-- is a dicey one to wade into, but I didn't want to be avoiding it either.
Part of a problem I've observed is that many extremely important and valid concerns or complaints can be dismissively pathologized as part of a "personality disorder trait".
For example, negative experiences of physicians or the hospital system need not be considered part of an individual's "pathology".
In fact, I think it is more uncommon than common for anyone to have a smooth journey through any medical care system--it tends to be laden with frustration, despite hopefully encountering some good people along the way.
Negative experiences of individual caregivers or relationships within a system need not be dismissed as so-called "splitting" (a "borderline" phenomenon)--they may be accurate and insightful accounts of having encountered a negative relationship.
The experiences may be a product of having encountered poor medical care, a poor medical system, or an unhealthy set of social structures which provide inadequate help. Sometimes an individual's complaints about these negative experiences may actually be a sign of courage, a character strength, rather than of a "borderline trait".
I think a larger view of so-called "borderline phenomena" has to do with group dynamics, as opposed to individual dynamics. If expressions of concern or frustration are met with hostile, judgmental, or inconsistent reactions, this may magnify the initial concerns or frustrations, leading to a vicious cycle. Each individual in such a dynamic may be behaving "healthily", but the relationship is not working. The relationship failure may be due to an inadequate structure, a lack of mutual understanding, communicative failure, a long history of relationship problems which biases the present point of view, tiredness or frustration on either side, or an insurmountable cultural gap. This reminds me of some of the conflicts between nations that go on today, in which each nation's "point of view" is understandable and valid, but the relationship fails, sometimes in a very destructive way, sometimes leading to an "arms race." Ironically, in psychiatry, such borderline relationship dynamics may occur involving the very individuals who are trying to be relationship mediators. My point here is that sometimes it is not the individual who has a "borderline personality disorder", but the relationship, or the system, which is suffering from "borderline dynamics".
An author on the subject of borderline personality I consider important is David Dawson. Title: Relationship Management of the Borderline Patient, Brunner/Mazel, 1993
I do find him wise and frank. He challenges some of the the professionally self-indulgent dogmas about psychotherapy, psychiatric hospitalization, and psychiatric medication, dogmas which may not apply to every situation, dogmas which may well, in some cases, aggrandize the "healing power" of the system or the therapeutic process, dogmas which deserve a generous dose of humility in order to more soundly be helpful. He describes numerous dramatic "case vignettes", with much needed attention given to the consideration of process and relationship dynamics. Many of his ideas about the vignettes I disagree with, but the book could open a forum for debate and discussion.
But-- I find his style at times too cynical and lacking in gentle warmth, to affirm it strongly. In fact, Dawson's ideas I think at times have been misapplied in the medical system, used as part of a tactic to prematurely discharge some patients from hospital or from other follow-up care. Yet, I think Dawson's views are important to hear, at least as the starting point for a debate.