Another question from a visitor:
Are psychiatrists professionals, friends, or healers? I personally believe that healing occurs in a time and place beyond professional rules and regulations. Even friendships can be healing. I wonder if professionalization of medicine is antithetical to a healing process that is dependent on...deep human connection.
This is a good question, one I've often thought about.
The standard of practice in psychiatry, and in other areas of medicine, is for the therapeutic relationship to be "well-boundaried." Mind you, this seems like an obvious truth; furthermore, any healthy friendship also needs to be "well-boundaried." Many unhealthy friendships or family dynamics are problematic due to unhealthy or absent boundaries. But in psychiatry, there are formal legal and professionally-mandated restrictions around the type of relationships permitted between therapist and patient, or between therapists and former patients. In general, I would say the rule is that any interaction between psychiatrist and patient (or between psychiatrist and former patient) needs to be considered a "therapeutic action," or at least an attempt to be a "therapeutic action," and if this interaction cannot be justified as such, it would be considered outside a healthy boundary. These rules protect patients from unethical practioners.
But I do consider any type of healthy human interaction to be a manifestation of a type of friendship. And I consider it a healthy way to live, to consider that all of one's interactions in the world are "friendship-building" activities. To experience the very personal relationship of psychotherapy as strictly bereft of "friendship" seems wrong to me.
Different individuals will have different needs or wishes in this regard. For many people, they prefer to interact with a psychiatrist or other professional in a polite but formal and distant way. Many people would not want to have a friendship with their psychiatrist or physician.
For many others, closeness and trust in a therapy relationship is extremely important to nurture.
One thing I strongly feel to be true is that the therapy relationship needs to be a setting in which growth of healthy relationships outside of the therapy relationship can be encouraged.
I am reminded of some of the psychiatric theory from the previous century about "object relations." This theory generally considers that relationships become "internalized" as abstract mental models, during the course of development. Relationships with parents during early childhood become the first internalized models. Recent evidence establishes that early peer relationships are extremely important in psychological development, perhaps having an equal or larger effect than parental relationships in many cases. Included in these internalized relationships are a sense of "other," a sense of "self," and a sense of expected dynamics between "self" and "other." Future relationships then develop which tend to be in synchrony, or in a type of resonance, with the internalized models. If these internalized models are disturbed by unhealthy relationships, absent or neglectful caregivers, abuse, environmental adversity, or inherent neuropsychiatric symptoms (such as innate tendencies to be anxious, irritable, depressed, etc.), then future relationships are likely also to be disturbed. This leads to a vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships and escalating symptoms.
In a therapeutic relationship, I think this "object relations" idea is important. The therapeutic relationship should aim to be one in which previous vicious cycles are not allowed to repeat. Over time, if the therapeutic relationship is healthy, it could perhaps become "internalized" as well, hopefully as a model of comfort, stability, nurturance, respect, trust, and healthy boundaries. In this way, I think the role of therapist is a bit more like the role of a parent, in that there is an element of friendship, a strong expectation of nurturance, a benevolent "paternalism" to some degree (some desire this element more or less than others), but also the observation that the "parent" becomes less and less necessary for meeting personal needs as the relationship develops over time.
There can sometimes be experiences of very great personal need. The experience of therapy can partially meet this need. The boundaries of the therapy can feel tremendously frustrating for a patient if this need is only partially met. Yet I feel that part of the growth experience in therapy can be to come to terms with this frustration, i.e. that the therapist is a positive, caring figure, but also that the therapist is limited and unable to meet any need completely or perfectly. If the therapy is to be truly effective or "healing," then the more complete or "perfect" satisfaction of needs eventually could occur outside of the therapy, during daily life.
Here's a light-hearted poem about this theme. It's by Hal Sirowitz, from the collection
My Therapist Said.BETTER THAN A FRIEND
You shouldn't tell everyone that you're
in therapy, my therapist said. Some people
might think you're crazy. If
someone asks why you go to the city
at the same time each week, you should
just tell him that you have an appointment
with a friend, which is not really a lie,
because I'm your friend. But I'm also
so much more. You can insult me, & I'll
never get mad. I'll just say that you're
transferring again. I'll never leave you,
but you can leave me. One day you'll
tell me that you don't need to see me anymore,
& instead of being mad, I'll be happy,
because that'll mean you're cured. But
I wouldn't advise you to do that
in the near future. You still have problems.
* I like this poem but it's okay with me if you tell people you're in therapy!
**Thank you to the reader who found the author's name & info for me.
